St Basil's, Red Square, Moscow

Holiday Jokes

This week’s collection of bad puns and one-liners takes the form of holiday puns, or at least some puns about travel and destinations. I do hope that you enjoy… Of course, they come with the usual caveats of no guarantee of funniness or originality.


Saw the world’s biggest fan last week. It blew me away.

I went on a trip to a postcard factory last week. It was OK. Nothing to write home about.

Checking in for a flight, I was asked, “Window or Aisle?”. I said, Window or you’ll do what?

Had my bag torn to shreds on a flight, so asked a lawyer if I could sue the airline. He said, “you don’t have much of a case”.

A chap checks into a hotel, and is asked if he wants a room with a shower or a bath. Wanting to save money, he asks “What’s the difference?”. The staff member replies, “You need to stand up in the shower”.

Going for a budget version of a holiday to Derbyshire this year. Staying in the Off Peak District.

Seven star hotels are overrated.

I had a dream I was flying last night. Seat 4F. Wasn’t much of a dream.

Going to the Rockies on holiday, and I’ve been told that in the event of a bear attack, play dead. To avoid any risks, I’m going to dress as a zombie all through the holiday.

On a flight, and asked for water. The flight attendant said “Still?”. I said “Well, I haven’t changed my mind that quickly”.

And of course, Tim Vine’s classic: “I went on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday last year. Never again”.

Last week’s colour jokes are here.

The index of jokes is here.