A B52 at the Farnborough Air Show

Flying Jokes

I was out this week with a couple of friends, and they suggested that a page of one-liners about holidays may be topical. However, as we have had holiday jokes already, I thought flying jokes would be a relatively close topic. As ever, they come with no guarantee of funniness or originality…

 

 

A buzzard turns up at the airport with two dead animals. The staff member at check in says, “Sorry, only one carrion per passenger”.

 

Definition: Explain – a former aircraft.

 

ATC: “Bear to the left, stranded aircraft on the right”.
Pilot: “I can see the stranded aircraft, where’s the bear?”

 

I went into a shop and ask for some helicopter crisps. They didn’t have any, so I had some plain ones instead.

 

On a flight, off on holiday. The cabin crew member asked what I wanted to drink.
“water”.
“Still?”
“Well, I haven’t changed my mind…”

 

The BBC have commissioned a new series on life inside the cockpit. They’re filming the pilot next month.

 

I had a paintball exam once. I passed with flying colours.

 

Just saw an aircraft made of bubbly chocolate. Think it was an aeroplane.

 

Tried to feed my pet aardvark some flying ants today. He turned his nose up.

 

A friend has bought an old aircraft, taken the wings off, and turned it into a restaurant. I don’t think it will take off.

 

When I wear contact lenses, I keep seeing Russian aircraft flying around in front of my eyes. The doctor said it could be some kind of optical Ilyushins.

 

Was given haggis as an in flight meal once. I’ve had bad food before, but that was plane offal.

 

How do you know if there is a pilot at the same party as you? He’ll tell you.

 

Last week’s Commonwealth Games jokes are here.
There is an index of such nonsense here.