I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For

More Friday one line puns…

As normal, here are a series of pretty awful, unoriginal one line puns based jokes to keep you entertained on a Friday…. and of course they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality…




Had to give up my job at the dress alteration company. Apparently I didn’t turn up enough.


A friend offered me a go on his private ice rink for 50p. I thought “What a cheapskate”….


I called OK magazine; they said “Hello?”. I said “Oh sorry, I’ve got the wrong number.”


Two beetles, are born as brothers. One travels the world, makes friends, and is an inspiration to insects. The other doesn’t. He was the lesser of two weevils.


A man goes to the doctor and says, “Doctor, I think I’m a bit hard of hearing”. The doctor replies “Can you describe the symptoms?” The man says “Sure. Marge has blue hair, Homer is fat & bald”.


Got an SMS today that said Vettel would win the next Grand Prix. Sometimes these predictive texts drive me mad.


I was in a shop yesterday when I asked the shopkeeper for a watch with hands. The chap said “Analogue?”. I said “no thanks, just the watch”


Not surprised tennis players keep getting divorced. Love means nothing to them.


I had to leave the hotel earlier when two grand masters arrived and started talking about their best tournaments. I can’t stand chess nut boasting in an open foyer.


I’ve searched everywhere for an old vinyl U2 album I’ve got somewhere, but I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For…



Last week’s jokes are here.

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