I just didn’t fit in

Jigsaw Jokes

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of jigsaw jokes. As normal, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality…       I was so tired this morning that after half an hour trying to do a jigsaw of a tiger, I realised it was actually a packet of Frosties.  …

It was all straightforward until I found a twist in the tale

Pig Jokes

Pigs have been in the news recently as we have entered the Year of the Pig, so in tribute to the lovely, clever creatures, here are some pig jokes. As normal, they come with no guarantee oh hilarity or originality…       A local farmer has trained his pigs to perform ballet. I’m going…

plural of octopus

Octopus Jokes

For no particular reason, the topic for this week’s puns and one liners is Octopus Jokes. As normal, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality…       An octopus held up the local bank. Apparently he was well armed.   How much effort does it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten…

The horse says no two halves

Pantomime Jokes

We’re just about still in the pantomime season – oh no you’re not, or it’s behind you! I hear you cry – so here are some pantomime jokes. Pantomimes are normally associated with lots of humour and funny jokes, so that’s where the similarity might end. As normal these come with no guarantee of hilarity…

babybell

Bell Jokes

It’s nearly Christmas, and today sees the winter solstice, so as Jethro Tull – the band, not the agriculturalist – would say, Ring Out Solstice Bells! Here are some bell jokes, and as normal, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality…       A man goes into a library and asks for…

Standing near the chimney I thought I heard Santa coughing I think he is coming down with something

Chimney Jokes

This week’s puns and one liners take the theme of chimney jokes. As normal, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality…       My mate’s chimney sweeping business is going well. Performance is going through the roof.   Slept like a log last night. Woke up in the fireplace under the chimney.…

as I plugged in my electric car

Plug Jokes

The theme for this week’s puns and one liners is plug jokes. As normal, these come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality…       Was going to plug my keyboard into the headphone socket of my laptop but was worried I might end up stereotyping.   I was going to get an electric…

You should have seen his face light up when he opened it

Fridge Jokes

This week’s page of puns and one liners takes the form of Fridge Jokes, so here are some that might leave you feeling a bit cold. As normal, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality…       Bought a friend a fridge for his birthday. You should have seen his face light…

To make up the numbers

Quiz Jokes

This week saw me meeting up with a group of friends – one of whom is a regular reader of these jokes – for our regular pub quiz, and I thought that quiz jokes would be a good topic for this week’s puns and one liners. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity…

Scrum half far too quick to judge

Rugby Jokes

We’ve had pages on various sports and hobbies before, so here are some rugby jokes, that may be just a bit trying… As normal they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality, but hopefully you will soon be a conversion to this type of humour…. And of course, when you’ve seen one rugby joke,…

swings from cake to cake Tarizpan

Nut jokes

It’s November, and the season of nuts in the UK, so as I have spent the last few weeks munching through hazel nuts, walnuts, peanuts and the like, here are some nut jokes. As normal, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality…       I’ve started using garlic in my magic act.…

Anyone who thinks onions are the only vegetable that can make you cry has never dropped a turnip on their toe

Turnip Jokes

We’ve just had Halloween, and although the current trend is for Jack O’Lanterns made out of pumpkins, the traditional option was the turnip. Growing up in Northern Ireland, I had many attempts at carving a turnip, and it takes a lot more effort than a pumpkin. Not only that, but the smell of a turnip…