Tie Jokes

After last week’s shirt jokes, it was suggested that this week’s one liners should take the form of tie jokes, so here are a few.  As normal, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality…



A man walks into a retro shop in Birmingham. He says “I’d like a kipper tie please”. Chap behind the counter says “milk & sugar?”

In Star Wars, who was the winner in the Imperial spaceship race? It was a TIE.

Watched two silk worms having a race. Ended in a tie.

Friend of mine took up mountaineering whilst wearing a suit and reenacting scenes from Rocky. He’s got the Tie of the Eiger.

A salesman casually walks into the office when his boss says “why aren’t you wearing a tie?”

A man wearing a tie fastener walks into a bar. The barman says “we don’t like your tie pin here”.

Went to a club wearing a set of jump leads as a tie. The bouncer said “you can come in but don’t be starting anything”.

A dictator complained fiercely about the neckwear he received. What a tie rant.


Last week’s shirt jokes are here.

If you like these tie jokes, then there is an alphabetical list of joke topics here.