Biscuit Jokes

We were playing Desert Island Biscuits this week – if you were stuck on a desert island and could take one type of biscuit with you, what would it be? – and it seemed a good topic for this week’s one liners, so here are some biscuit jokes. As normal, don’t expect hilarity or originality but they may be a bit crummy…


Friend got sacked from his job at the Rich Tea factory. They said he took the biscuit.

I want an almond flavoured biscuit. Amaretti? You bet I am.

What is crunchy and says meow? A bis-cat.

Gave blood but instead of a biscuit, they gave me some pitta bread and salad. Think it was a donor kebab.

I opened a new box of animal crackers the other day. It said on the cover “don’t eat if seal is broken”. I checked the shapes, and it was.

A friend has a talking biscuit but I can never understand it. That’s the way the cookie mumbles.

Asked for a helicopter biscuit. They didn’t have any so I had to have a plane one.

Friend of mine got a job in a biscuit factory. He kneaded the dough.

So close to beating a chocolate bar at tennis. Was only a breakaway.

I love digestives. Sometimes I’ll skip lunch and just eat a packet of them. That’s why they are called whole meal.


Last week’s rash jokes are here.

If you like these biscuit jokes, have a look over here.