Tomato Jokes

Last week, a page all about potatoes, and with an equal lack of reason, this week a page of tomato jokes.  I have left out a couple of the really obvious ones, but still as much corn as tomato here.  Don’t expect too much originality or humour as always, and stand far enough away if you tell them to others that you are out of reach of thrown tomatoes.


What’s red and invisible? No tomatoes.

Worst thing about salsa dancing is getting the tomato stains out afterwards.

I was on the ground by my tomato plants looking for caterpillar tracks. That’s when I got run over by a tank.

A friend rubbed tomato ketchup on his eyes. In Heinz sight, it wasn’t a good idea.

I like to put coriander on my blended tomatoes. It’s soup herb.

I’m setting up a tomato stall. I’ve spotted a gap in the market.

What do you call a tomato with a trumpet? A tooth fruity.

A tomato growing friend’s fruit and vegetable business has gone into liquidation. They make smoothies.

Why was the tomato on a motorbike? He was trying to ketchup with his friends.

What did the lemon in the salad say to the tomato? “Give me a squeeze”.

What’s red and square? An uncool tomato.


Last week’s potato jokes are here.

The index of jokes is here.