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More puns

Friday means bad joke day here as normal, and here are a collection of one liners mainly based on puns that are old, unoriginal and more likely to raise a groan than a laugh…  So here are some more puns….



I didn’t like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.


I had a Shepherd’s pie for lunch today. He wasn’t happy.


I was in a hotel lobby today, and told the guy behind the desk that I was there for the Twitter conference. He said “Follow me”…


I saw a sign on shop door that said ‘Guide Dogs Welcome’. I walked in and was greeted by a Labrador who thanked me for shopping and took my coat.


My friend David had his ID stolen. He’s now called Dav.


Was going to buy a rare spider from a pet shop, then I realised I could pick one up on the web…


Problems booking tickets for an Elvis tribute act, with an automated telephone system. I had to press 1 for the money …. 2 for the show…


I’ve invented a container which when poured, plays cool jazz music. It’s a hip flask.


I was about to go to a fancy dress party as a can of deodorant. My wife stopped me and said “Are you Sure?”


My mate has joined a cult that worships black holes.   I’d hate to get sucked into something like that.



Last week’s jokes are here.

If you like these jokes and want more puns, have a look here for an alphabetical list of joke topics.

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