Flower Jokes

square roots

In this beautiful spring weather, what better a subject for one liners and puns than flower jokes, so here are a few for you. As normal they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality…   A teacher asked a class “How do you spell chrysanthemum?”. The reply comes “Don’t worry, we don’t know how […]

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Elvis Jokes

love meat tender

Going through some old pages, I spotted that Elvis comes up frequently, so here are lots of those puns and one liners collated as a collection of Elvis jokes. As normal, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality….     I lost my pet mouse Elvis the other night. He was caught in […]

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Carpet Jokes

Walter Wall

This week’s puns and one liners are on the theme of carpet jokes, so they should cover quite a lot… As normal they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality…     A friend of mine is a carpet fitter. Walter Wall.   Got home and someone has stolen all the bits of carpets […]

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Grass Jokes

forlorn

With Spring well under way, the grass cutting has started again, and that’s given me a topic for this week’s puns and one liners.  Here are some grass jokes, and as normal, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality…     Poured beer over my garden before planting the lawn. I hoped the […]

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Mouse Jokes

mouse

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of mouse jokes, and appropriately enough, at least some of them are rather cheesy. As normal, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality.     I lost my pet mouse Elvis the other night. He was caught in a trap.   What do angry […]

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Banking Jokes

bay leaf

This week’s puns and one liners are based on the theme of banking jokes.  As normal, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality…     I do enjoy getting cash out of the bank and then throwing it in the river and watching it float away. I like studying my cash flow.   […]

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Acting Jokes

fresh prints

This week’s puns and one liners are on the topic of Acting Jokes.  As normal, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality…     Went to a big reunion the other week. Tom Hanks turned up.   An actor I know fell through the floor recently. I think it is just a stage […]

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Taxi Jokes

spartacus

This week’s puns and one liners come in the form of taxi jokes. Let yourself be taken away by these, but don’t expect the destination to be originality or hilarity…     What’s worse for traffic than when it’s foggy? When it’s hailing taxis.   My friend always went the extra mile at work. That’s […]

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Neck Jokes

dracula

The topic for this week’s puns and one liners is neck jokes. As normal, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality.     The reason that Dracula has no friends is because he’s a pain in the neck.   Looking back, my neck hurts.   Went to a club wearing a set of […]

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Salt Jokes

chess

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Salt Jokes. Well,it’s the season for it… As normal, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality…     Two peanuts walking down the road, one was assaulted…   Someone told me I looked like a salt shaker. I took it as a condiment. […]

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Drink Jokes

tea

This week’s puns and one liners take the theme of drink jokes. As normal, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality…       Just heard someone shouting “Tequila! Vodka! Whiskey!” I said “I call the shots around here”.   How do you ask a dinosaur if he wants a drink? Tea, Rex? […]

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Needle Jokes

haystack

The topic for this week’s puns and one liners is needle jokes. As normal, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality…       Read about a new website called www.needleinahaystack.com. Took me ages to find it.   A police officer spotted a man driving along the motorway with knitting needles. He got […]

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