Supermarket Jokes

unexpected item

The topic for this week’s puns and one liners is Supermarket Jokes. As normal, these come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality…       Standing in the supermarket, I wasn’t sure which pasta to buy. Then the penne dropped.   My local supermarket is selling superhero toiletries for kids, like Batman shampoo. I’m […]

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Jewelry Jokes

give me a ring

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Jewelry Jokes, although don’t expect to find too many gems in here.  As normal they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality…     Planning to start a jewelry business. If you want to help, give me a ring.   My girlfriend wasn’t happy […]

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Flower Jokes

square roots

In this beautiful spring weather, what better a subject for one liners and puns than flower jokes, so here are a few for you. As normal they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality…   A teacher asked a class “How do you spell chrysanthemum?”. The reply comes “Don’t worry, we don’t know how […]

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Elvis Jokes

love meat tender

Going through some old pages, I spotted that Elvis comes up frequently, so here are lots of those puns and one liners collated as a collection of Elvis jokes. As normal, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality….     I lost my pet mouse Elvis the other night. He was caught in […]

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Carpet Jokes

Walter Wall

This week’s puns and one liners are on the theme of carpet jokes, so they should cover quite a lot… As normal they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality…     A friend of mine is a carpet fitter. Walter Wall.   Got home and someone has stolen all the bits of carpets […]

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Grass Jokes

forlorn

With Spring well under way, the grass cutting has started again, and that’s given me a topic for this week’s puns and one liners.  Here are some grass jokes, and as normal, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality…     Poured beer over my garden before planting the lawn. I hoped the […]

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Mouse Jokes

mouse

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of mouse jokes, and appropriately enough, at least some of them are rather cheesy. As normal, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality.     I lost my pet mouse Elvis the other night. He was caught in a trap.   What do angry […]

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Banking Jokes

bay leaf

This week’s puns and one liners are based on the theme of banking jokes.  As normal, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality…     I do enjoy getting cash out of the bank and then throwing it in the river and watching it float away. I like studying my cash flow.   […]

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Acting Jokes

fresh prints

This week’s puns and one liners are on the topic of Acting Jokes.  As normal, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality…     Went to a big reunion the other week. Tom Hanks turned up.   An actor I know fell through the floor recently. I think it is just a stage […]

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Taxi Jokes

spartacus

This week’s puns and one liners come in the form of taxi jokes. Let yourself be taken away by these, but don’t expect the destination to be originality or hilarity…     What’s worse for traffic than when it’s foggy? When it’s hailing taxis.   My friend always went the extra mile at work. That’s […]

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Neck Jokes

dracula

The topic for this week’s puns and one liners is neck jokes. As normal, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality.     The reason that Dracula has no friends is because he’s a pain in the neck.   Looking back, my neck hurts.   Went to a club wearing a set of […]

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Salt Jokes

chess

This week’s puns and one liners take the form of Salt Jokes. Well,it’s the season for it… As normal, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality…     Two peanuts walking down the road, one was assaulted…   Someone told me I looked like a salt shaker. I took it as a condiment. […]

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