Walks Into A Bar jokes

I’ve had a request this week for a topic for the puns and one liners, so thanks to Phil, this week’s page is A Man Walks Into A Bar jokes.  I have left out the most obvious ones, but there is still no guarantee of originality or funniness…  No doubt, some of you will want to suggest some more.  Feel free to add them in the comments.

 

A racehorse walks into a bar with its entourage.  The barman says “you can’t come in here with those trainers”.

A gymnast walks into a bar.  He gets a two-point deduction and ruins his chances of a medal.

Gold walked into a bar. The barman shouted, “Eyh you, get out of here!”

Some helium walked into a bar. The barman shouted “Oi! I’ve told you! We don’t serve Noble gases in here! Get out!” The helium didn’t react.

The barman says “we don’t serve time travellers in here”. A time traveller walks into a bar.

A pantomime horse walks into a bar. The barman says “would you like a pint?” The horse says, “no, two halves”.

William Shakespeare walks into a bar. The barman says “Oi! You’re bard.”

A train track and a motorway walk into a bar. The train track says “a pint for me, please, and one for the road”.

Times New Roman and Arial walk into a bar. The barman shouts “Oi! Get out! We don’t want your type in here”.

A termite walks into a bar and says, “Is the bar tender here?”

A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says “we don’t serve food”.

Schrodinger’s Cat walks into a bar. And doesn’t.

Did Werner Heisenberg walk into a bar?

A giraffe walks into a bar. The barman says “sorry, we don’t serve Heineken here.”

A man walks into a bar with a jump lead. Barman says “you can have a beer but don’t start anything”.

A SQL query walks into a bar, goes up to two tables, and says “can I join you?”

f(x) walks into a a bar and asks for a sandwich. The barman says “I’m sorry, we don’t cater for functions.”

A roman centurion walks into a bar, holds up two fingers and says “five beers please”.

A roman centurion walks into a bar and points to a bottle.  The barman says “Martini?”. He replies, “No, I only want one.”

The past, the present and the future walk into a bar.  It was tense.

A tennis player walks into a bar and starts serving.

Last week’s karaoke jokes are here.

There is an index of such jokes here.