Vegetable Jokes

We’ve had pages of jokes about all sorts of food types, so on a similar theme, here are some one liners on the topic of vegetable jokes. As normal, they come with no guarantee of freshness – or originality if you prefer – or hilarity. There is a risk that you will guffaw more at a randomly shaped turnip.



I have a pogo stick made out of vegetables. It’s a spring onion.

“Spring, salad, shallot, pickled”, said a friend. He knows his onions.

What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot.

I was making a salad the other day, and I thought I heard a small red vegetable that was a bit like an onion whispering. Must have been a hoarse radish.

A friend of mine has a vegetable patch. It stops the cravings for carrots all day.

A friend was in a band called the Powdered Potatoes. They had a smash hit.

What’s small, white and laughs a lot in salads? A tickled onion.

Heard that burglars used a potato to smash a window and gain entry to a local house, but the evidence may have been planted.

An vegetable growing friend’s business has gone into liquidation. They make smoothies.

I used to think Elton John’s favourite lettuce was Iceberg. Then I realised that he’s more of a rocket man.

Saw a vegetable being delivered to the local library. That’s a turnip for the books.



Last week’s printer jokes are here.

If you like these jokes, have a look over here.