A Clock with Arabic numerals

Time Jokes

After last week’s sign jokes, a similar one word theme for this week; time jokes.  Below are a series of one-liners that have a comment about time in some way (a few a bit tenuous), and all come with the usual caveats of a lack of originality and not being that funny.  I do hope that you enjoy them…
A friend of mine bought me a watch that has stopped working, but I haven’t told them yet.  It’s never the right time.

I heard a really good time travel joke tomorrow.

Pleased to say I was voted “Most likely to travel back in time, Class of 2053”.

Feeling nostalgic about my childhood summers, when we would climb into old tires and roll down the hills. They were goodyears.

The barman says “we don’t serve time travellers in here”. A time traveller walks into a bar.

11:59:59 am is my favourite time of day. It’s second to noon.

I held up my watch to a mirror. It was time for reflection.

I bought five watches the other day.  I have a lot of time on my hands….

Got a new 24 clock yesterday and it’s broken already.  It only lasted a day.

Thinking about an old car of mine that got stuck in reverse gear.  That took me back.

I asked if I could leave work early the other day, and the boss said yes, if I made up the time. I said “sure, it’s twenty past fourteen”.

How can you tell when your clock is hungry? It goes back four seconds.

A friend of mine has taken up eating watches, but takes forever to get through each one. It’s time consuming.

I know someone who was habitually late, until his doctor reccomended sleeping in a herb garden. Sounds odd, I know, but now he wakes up on Thyme.

 

 

Last week’s sign jokes are here.

The next set of jokes, about money, are here.

There is an index of similar jokes here.