The Dark Hedges, Northern Ireland

Road Jokes

Welcome to 2015.  My first page of one liners this year is about road jokes, possibly because of my six hour drive earlier this week after a Christmas holiday visit.  As normal, don’t expect these to be particularly original or funny…


I know someone in a band called White Line. They’re very middle of the road.

Traffic lights on my road have broken. No change there.

A chap walks into a bar with a lump of Tarmac under his arm and says “one for me and one for the road”.

Found a fork in the road the other day. It was outside my local chip shop.

Two motorways drinking in a bar when a piece of red Tarmac walks in. One motorway says to the other “don’t go near him, he’s a cycle path”.

I was taking the road out of the city the other day when someone told me to put it back.

Why did the fish cross the road? Because he saw the pelican crossing.

Biggest cause of road rage? Cross roads.

Watched a chicken cross the road. It was poultry in motion.

There used to be a paper shop on my road. It blew away.

I was grilling a chicken last night. “For the last time, why did you cross the road?”


Last week’s curry jokes are here.

There is an index of such jokes here.