snake size

Number Jokes

The topic for this week’s puns and one liners is Number Jokes, with a few tenuous links. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality…

 

 

 

Computer said my password needed at least eight characters and at least one number, so I changed it to Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.

 

My pet snake is exactly 3.14 metres long. He’s a πthon.

 

If you see someone doing a crossword, say to them “7 Up is lemonade”.

 

I got a three foot long ruler at a yard sale.

 

I got a asked to leave karaoke night for singing “Danger Zone” seven times in a row. I had exceeded the allowed number of Loggins attempts.

 

I phoned OK magazine the other day. They answered and said “Hello?”, so I said “Sorry, wrong number” and hung up.

 

Saw a radioactive cat. It’s got eighteen half-lives.

 

I like to break the rules. I had an After Eight at half past seven once.

 

A roman centurion walks into a bar, holds up two fingers and says “five beers please”.

 

A roman centurion walks into a bar and points to a bottle. The barman says “Martini?”. He replies, “No, I only want one.”

 

An accountant friend of mine has borrowed six books now and not given any of them back. I think he’s a professional bookkeeper.

 

I went to buy six cans of sprite the other day and realised I’d picked 7Up.

 

A friend played for a team called the Musketeers. They started the season with three wins and a draw, all 4-1 and one 4-all.

 

Nine cows in a field, which one is from the Middle East? Cow eight.

 

The great thing about my obsession with toast is that I still get three square meals a day.

 

I was in a pub the other night, and some bloke offered me eight legs of venison for £200. I said “£200? That’s too dear”….

 

The local pie shop almost never closes. It’s 22/7.

 

Following a recipe, says I need: apples, five cubed. 125 sounds like a lot of apples for a pie…

 

Bloke down the pub sold me a DVD. It had 3.14 stars. I think it was pi-rated.

 

Did you hear about the snowman who got cooled down to absolute zero? He’s 0K now.

 

There are 10 types of people in the world. Those that understand binary, and those who do not.

 

Inside one in every 3.14 onions is an opinion.

 

 

 

Last week’s Raffle Jokes are here.

If you like these number jokes, have a look here for an alphabetical list of joke topics.

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