Black Sabbath at Download 2016

Music Jokes

Following a request at a train station yesterday evening (really!), this week’s collection of not that funny or original one liners has music as a theme….
U2’s first few albums have been remastered without the guitars on them. It certainly takes the Edge off them.

When The Edge was at school, he was a border.

Walked into a music shop and the manager said, “Good morning”. I said “You too”. He said, “Second aisle on the left”.

Just heard a bloke with a didgeridoo and he was playing Dancing Queen on it. I thought, ‘That’s Aboriginal.

One of my kitchen utensils seems to be playing classical music. Think it’s the Chopin board.

A man goes to the doctor and says “I keep singing Deliliah”. The doctor says “It’s Tom Jones Syndrome.” The patient asks “Is it common?” The doctor replies, “It’s Not Unusual…”

Steppenwolf was a pseudonym. The band was born Toby Wild.

I went to a record shop andasked, “have you got anything by the Doors?” He said, “Yes, a bucket of sand, a mop, a bucket and a brush”.

My friend got me a ruler from Smiths. Heaven knows I’m measurable now.

The Jam and Cream were both going to reform to play a series of gigs in Devon & Cornwall, but they couldn’t agree who would go on first

I keep hearing music coming from the printer. I think the paper is jamming…

At any given time, the urge to sing “The Lion Sleeps Tonight” is never more than a whim away.

If I was on a desert island, the record that I would most like to have is for long distance swimming.

Problems booking tickets for an Elvis tribute act, with an automated telephone system. I had to press 1 for the money …. 2 for the show…

I’ve invented a container which when poured, plays cool jazz music. It’s a hip flask.

Got my new Bon Jovi sat nav. Apparently I’m half way there.

Two wind turbines in a field. One says to the other “do you like music?”  The other replies “Yes, I’m a big heavy metal fan”.

Bought a Bonnie Tyler sat nav. Still can’t find my way out of Paris.

I also bought a Bonnie Tyler car. Every now and then it falls apart.

I was thinking of buying some old editions of Classical Music magazine. I’m looking for the Bach issues.

My laptop keeps playing “Someone Like You”. It’s a Dell.

I was doing kareoke the other night, and all the songs were old disco classics. At first I was afraid. I was petrified.

I hate going to MC Hammer’s house. He wont let me touch anything.

A friend of mine does backing vocals. It’s his voice on the “this vehicle is reversing” messages.

A friend is in a band called 999Mb. They haven’t had a gig yet.

Another friend was in a band called Half Man Half Bull. The played a few gigs across the Midlands. It was a minor tour.

I know someone in a band called White Line. They’re very middle of the road.

A few goths I know where in a band called The Prevention. Much better than The Cure.

I went to see Placebo once.  I actually thought that they were The Cure.

Great new band called the Blank Cheques. They’re still unsigned.

How does Bob Marley like his doughnuts? Wi Jammin’…

What does Bob say to his friends? “I hope you like jammin’ too”….

I’ve written a song about tortilla. It’s more of a rap.

Where does Kylie get her kebabs?  From Jason’s Donner van.

 

 

There are more jokes of the same type linked from here…

 

The previous week’s jokes – the topic is Hallowe’en – are here.

The next week’s jokes – the topic is dentists – are here