A lemon tree

Lemon Jokes

Often, the topic for the week’s one liners is from a random source, and this week is one of those. No idea why, but here are some lemon jokes. Hope they don’t leave a sour taste. As normal, don’t expect them to be too funny or original…


Went to the shop today to buy some lemons and apples, but they didn’t have any. It was a fruitless trip.

Lemons and limes like to fight. They are bitter rivals.

What did the lemon in the salad say to the tomato? “Give me a squeeze”.

Why did the lemon cross the road? He wanted to play squash.

Why did the lemon stop when he was crossing the road? He ran out of juice.

Which citrus fruit is bitter and green? A lemon in a green jumper.

How do you make a lemon drop? Hold it high and let go.

Why was the lemon by himself? Because the banana split.

Friend of mine lost his job at the lemon factory. He couldn’t concentrate.

How do you make a lemon puff? Chase it round the garden?

What’s yellow and goes bzzzzz? An electric lemon.

And of course… What do you give a sick lemon? Lemonade.


Last week’s phone jokes are here.

There is an index of all the joke pages here.