lemonade

Friday is cheesy one-liner day

As usual, here are some unoriginal old puns for a Friday… a day where a cheesy one-liner helps make it feel closer to the weekend.  They come with no guarantee of hilarity or quality.

 

 

I bought five watches the other day. I have a lot of time on my hands….

If you see someone doing a crossword today, just lean over & say “7 up is Lemonade”

 

I’ve just seen a paleontologist sat in a bar talking to a piece of coal. He must be carbon dating.

 

Two cows in a field on a cold winter’s night. One cow says to the other, “I don’t know about you but I’m fresian”.

 

How does the man in the moon cut his hair? Eclipse it.

 

Feels like everyone is on strike. The janitors here have walked out and are demanding sweeping reforms…

 

Why did the sacked dodgem supervisor take his former employer to court? He was claiming Funfair Dismissal…

 

Went to a really bad manicure competition yesterday. It was nail-biting.

 

My positive outlook on life stopped me from making it as a bar man. With me, the glass was always half full.

 

I’m reading a book about a short ballerina. The girl with the dragging tutu.

 

Got offered a great TV with a broken volume control that’s up full all the time. It was only £20. I couldn’t turn it down.

 

Was in a band called Half Man Half Bull. Played a few gigs across the Midlands. It was a minor tour.

 

Rumours of a food shortage at this year’s Spoonerism Awards turned out to be a complete lack of pies.

 

A lorry carrying snooker equipment has crashed on the motorway. The driver is under a rest and the cues go back for miles.

 

 

The index of corny jokes is here.

If you prefer your list to be alphabetical, have a look over here.