Ayr Town Centre

Corny One-liners: Well, it is Friday

As it is a Friday, here are a few more corny one-liners for you.  As always, they are not new or original.  And often, not really that funny.  More of a groan than a laugh, I suspect….

 

Went to a restaurant last night with some friends. Chap said “Do you have reservations?”.  I said “Yes, the food is probably overcooked and bland”

 

Which part of Scotland was also Formula One World Champion? Ayr Town Centre.

 

Asked in a local restaurant how they prepare their chickens.  Chap said “We just tell them straight that they’re going to die”.

 

A policeman came up to me with a pencil and a piece of very thin paper. He said, ‘I want you to trace someone for me.’

 

Just heard a  bloke with a didgeridoo and he was playing Dancing Queen on it. I thought, ‘That’s Aboriginal.

 

Heard about a Buddhist monk who refused drugs when having a tooth out as he wanted to transcend dental medication.

 

Thinking about an old car of mine that got stuck in reverse gear.  That took me back.

 

I woke up this morning with a tap on the door.  The plumber thinks he’s funny.

 

Sad to hear about the last local balloon company closing. It couldn’t keep up with the high cost of inflation….

 

I was arguing with a friend in Pizza Hut the other day when my best mate came over, grabbed the garlic bread and coleslaw from our table and ran off. I wish he would stop taking sides

 

I was grilling a chicken at lunchtime. “Right, I’ll ask you one more time. Why did you cross the road?

 

Problem with liquidity in US Financial markets is the Treasury not producing enough low denomination coins. Doesn’t make cents.

 

I’ve always wanted to work in a colliery, but I can’t see it happening now with my level of experience. Never mined.

 

Four fonts walk into a bar. The barman says “Oi! Get out! We don’t want your type in here”.

 

I was on a flight and was asked what I wanted to drink. “Water”. The crew member said “Still?”. I said “Well, I haven’t changed my mind”.

 

How many crime writers does it take to change a light bulb? Only one, but it has to have a really good twist at the end.

 

Going to a fancy dress party as a sweet shop owner. Tried on my outfit, wife said “Give me a twirl”. I thought blimey, it must be convincing

 

11:59:59 am is my favourite time of day. It’s second to noon.

 

 

Last Friday’s collection of awful one liners can be found here, and there is an index of the various joke pages here