Corny one-liners: It is Friday…

I may be out of the country, but that does not prevent me from providing a few corny jokes for a Friday… as usual, they’re old, unoriginal and more likely to produce a groan than a laugh…

 

Friend if mine had a bit of a brush with the law last night.  He was playing against the police curling team.

Out for dinner At a Chinese restaurant last night, I ordered from The Specials menu. Think I had Too Much Foo Yung.

A friend of mine had Ham Flu. He had Swine Flu, then he was cured…

When I was in the supermarket earlier, I saw a man and a woman wrapped in a barcode. I asked, “Are you two an item?”

Just read a book on Stockholm Syndrome. Started off terribly, but thought it was great by the time I finished it.

A man was hit in the face with a bottle of Omega 3 pills. He only suffered super fish oil injuries.

I have a Blackberry and an Apple, both on Orange. Got a bit of a thing about making sculptures out of fruit.

Apparently now a herd of elephants have gone on strike. They are fed up working for peanuts.

A ship load of red paint crashed into a ship load of blue paint. The crews were marooned.

A lorry load of tortoises crashed into a lorry load of terrapins. It was a turtle disaster.

Called the gym and asked about their advanced aerobics class. They asked “How flexible are you?”. I said “I can’t do Tuesdays or Thursdays”.

In an attempt to speed up my racing snail, I took the shell off to improve aerodynamics. Didn’t work. If anything it makes him more sluggish

Phoned a local restaurant and asked “Do you do takeaways?”. They said yes, so I asked “What’s 42 minus 17?”.

Wasn’t so hard to crack Forrest Gump’s computer password. 1forrest1.

Spell Checkers. Quality assurance devices for witches.

 

Last week’s corny offerings can be found here, and there is an index of the various joke pages here