I may be out of the country, but that does not prevent me from providing a few corny one-liners for a Friday… as usual, they’re old, unoriginal and more likely to produce a groan than a laugh…
Friend if mine had a bit of a brush with the law last night. He was playing against the police curling team.
Out for dinner At a Chinese restaurant last night, I ordered from The Specials menu. Think I had Too Much Foo Yung.
A friend of mine had Ham Flu. He had Swine Flu, then he was cured…
When I was in the supermarket earlier, I saw a man and a woman wrapped in a barcode. I asked, “Are you two an item?”
Just read a book on Stockholm Syndrome. Started off terribly, but thought it was great by the time I finished it.
A man was hit in the face with a bottle of Omega 3 pills. He only suffered super fish oil injuries.
How much deeper would the oceans be if it wasn’t for all the sponges?
I have a Blackberry and an Apple, both on Orange. Got a bit of a thing about making sculptures out of fruit.
Apparently now a herd of elephants have gone on strike. They are fed up working for peanuts.
A ship load of red paint crashed into a ship load of blue paint. The crews were marooned.
A lorry load of tortoises crashed into a lorry load of terrapins. It was a turtle disaster.
Called the gym and asked about their advanced aerobics class. They asked “How flexible are you?”. I said “I can’t do Tuesdays or Thursdays”.
In an attempt to speed up my racing snail, I took the shell off to improve aerodynamics. Didn’t work. If anything it makes him more sluggish
Phoned a local restaurant and asked “Do you do takeaways?”. They said yes, so I asked “What’s 42 minus 17?”.
Wasn’t so hard to crack Forrest Gump’s computer password. 1forrest1.
Spell Checkers. Quality assurance devices for witches.