Corny Jokes for a Friday…

As it’s a Friday, it seems only right that we have some more old, corny jokes.  Here goes….

 

Friend of mine gave up his job at the classic rock magazine as he had musical differences with his colleagues. He gave rave reviews.

 

I saw a white, fluffy thing swinging through my local cake shop. Suspect it was a meringue-utang.

 

Friend woke up this morning coughing badly, think he may have pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis, but it’s hard to say.

 

I’ve just received a letter saying that my friend bequeathed me a very expensive antique watch. I really hope it’s not a wind up.

 

Wish I got to see my mate Bill more often. He works for a delivery company, so only calls round when I’m out.

 

Working at a bingo hall, someone asked me what the previous number was. I said “I’m sorry, I don’t recall”.

 

The barman says “we don’t serve time travellers in here”. A time traveller walks into a bar.

 

I went to buy a new mattress the other day. I wasn’t sure about it, so the salesman told me to go away and sleep on it.

 

Forgot to go to the gym this morning. That’s ten years in a row.

 

A friend of mine told me I’m obsessed with kids’ TV Programmes from my youth. Think I’ve dropped a Clanger

 

I saw Michael J Fox at a garden centre the other day. Recognised him straight away, he had his back to the fuchsias.

 

Sci-Fi cooking tip. Best way to make a digital stir-fry in a galaxy far, far away is with an E-Wok

 

Morning all. I stayed up all night wondering where the sun had gone. Then it dawned on me…

 

Similes; what are they like?

 

Large crystal ball for sale. £50, but you will haggle me down to £35.

 

I walked into the fish shop and asked the man for a large fish.’Won’t be long’ said the fish shop man.’Well it better be wide then’ I said.

 

Street sweepers.  Do they get formal training or do they pick it up as they go along?

 

My snake ate my Meccano set.  He’s become a boa constructor.

 

I asked a friend what his favourite 80s song was. He said “You can call me Al”. I said “OK, what was your favourite 80s song, Al?”.

 

 

Some more corny jokes from last week here… and there is an index of the various joke pages here