How To Poo On A Date

Book Jokes

Rather than a page about joke books, this one is about book jokes; a series of jokes, puns and one-liners related to jokes.  Of course, if you are interested in odd books, then have a look at this post about the Diagram Prize, for the books with the oddest title of the year.  These jokes come with the usual caveats that they may be neither original nor witty.  I hope you like them anyway…

 

A man goes into a library and asks for a book on “pantomimes”. The librarian says, “Its behind you”.

I went into the local library and asked if they had any books on floor panels. “No” the librarian replied, “We keep them on shelves here”.

I wrote a book about wind systems of the world. It’s saved in my drafts.

What kind of notebook does a dendrochronologist use? A tree-ring binder.

Just read a book on Stockholm Syndrome. Started off terribly, but thought it was great by the time I finished it.

Reading an enthralling book about anti-gravity at the moment. Can’t put it down.

I’m looking for a book on how to fix automatic gearboxes, but the library only has manuals.

What’s a flea’s favourite book?  The Itch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy.

Local librarian slipped and fell whilst at work. Suspect she had walked into the Non Friction section.

A friend had his thesaurus stolen.  He’s lost for words.

I went to the Doctor and told him I kept dreaming that I had been writing The Hobbit.  He said, “Don’t worry, you’ve just been Tolkien in your sleep”.

I went to the local book shop and asked where the self help section was.  The shop assistant told me that if she told me where it was, that would defeat the purpose.

Just lost one of my Mr Men books.  No more Mr Nice Guy.

I saw a new book about cooking with herbs.  It’s about Thyme.

Try going into a bookshop and asking if they have any copies of “Learning how to deal with rejection without resorting to violence”.

I never go anywhere without my collection of books of maps.  I would be lost without them.

 

There is an index of such jokes here.

Last week’s Vampire jokes are here.